I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
Randomize
