I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
