i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
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