once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
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