I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
