Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
Randomize