What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Randomize
