idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize
