So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
