Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
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