No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
