reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
