You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Randomize
