i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
Randomize
