i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
Randomize
