he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Randomize
