What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
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