it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
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