Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
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