I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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