saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
Randomize
