i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize
