when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
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