Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
