He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize