batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
I just threw up on my dentist
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
I stole a fireplace last night.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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