That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Randomize
