So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
