Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
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