I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
Randomize
