You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Randomize
