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• (201): View more from New Jersey

  i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night

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• (508): View more from Massachusetts

  dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.

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• (310): View more from California

  it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined

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• (203): View more from Connecticut

  Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.

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• (914): View more from New York

  I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.

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• (413): View more from Massachusetts

  He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.

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• (716): View more from New York

  He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.

  (585): View more from New York

  Find him and marry him.

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• (641): View more from Iowa

  and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving

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• (803): View more from South Carolina

  I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.

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• (325): View more from Texas

  She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.

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• (301): View more from Maryland

  Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy

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• (716): View more from New York

  I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice

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• (423): View more from Tennessee

  I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.

  (1-423): View more from Tennessee

  Imagine not having to fake it.

  (423): View more from Tennessee

  Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.

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• (307): View more from Wyoming

  there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.

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• (770): View more from Georgia

  He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.

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