I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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