I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
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