He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
Randomize
