Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
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