Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
Why is your signature on my underwear?
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
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