check it out our google latitudes are spooning
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
