I like my sex mixed with concussions.
No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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