i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
