Your face is a jimmy john
Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
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