wakey wakey hands off snakey
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
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