One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
