tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
