so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
this is an emotional support booty call
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Randomize
