He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Randomize
