I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
