i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
