flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
