You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
