My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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