No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Randomize
