My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
