I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
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