Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
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