Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
Yo dont text me then not text me
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
Randomize
