96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
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