Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
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