There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
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