well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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