Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
