Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Randomize
