is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
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