The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
one two three fourrrrnication!
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Randomize
