Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
