Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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