Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Randomize
