Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
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