Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Randomize
