That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
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