remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
Randomize
