well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
I AM VODKA MAN
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
