So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Randomize
