you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize