wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Randomize
