We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
This is the high leading the old right now
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
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