You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
