I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Randomize
