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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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