I am in a vortex of obligation.
She said her name was "party"
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
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