I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
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