8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Randomize
