somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
