my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
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