I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
of course. lets lasso hookers.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize