I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
