Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Randomize
