So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
