I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize