Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
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Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
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