4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
