so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
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