Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
my nose is crying tears of wow.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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