saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
