Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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