just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
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