she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
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