Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
