I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Randomize
