she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize
