Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Randomize
