Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
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