Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize