Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
