so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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