dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
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