I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
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