She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
