what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
Randomize