I never want to see another naked old woman again.
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Im just a social blackout drinker.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Randomize
