While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
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