oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
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