THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
I fill condoms, not promises.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
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