Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Randomize
