Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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